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Today I went on Instagram and searched #Relationshipgoals– and to my surprise, there were over 8 million people using this hashtag!

And these numbers are only from the public profiles that I can view….

I’ll be honest though, I’m guilty of joining in on this trend too.  Sometimes, it can be pretty funny when people use it sarcastically.  

But when you think about it, the over use of ‘relationship goals’ in our culture is actually pretty toxic.

In fact, the recent obsession over the Prince Harry royal wedding perfectly highlighted the problem with relationship goals. 

It got me thinking about how much we put others lives up on a pedestal.  And how it’s become the norm to obsess over it. 

Read below for some pretty legitimate reasons why we need to stop saying relationship goals!

1. WE ARE SETTING THE BAR REALLY LOW FOR OURSELVES

The royal wedding was a perfect example of why this hashtag has gotten way out of hand!  People GUSHED over every ounce of affection displayed or complement given.  But you guys…… this was their WEDDING DAY.  

No matter how screwed up a couple might be, I’m pretty sure they should be able to pull it together on this one day and fork out a couple compliments.  It really shouldn’t be perceived as anything remarkable.

Sure it was a sweet moment, but not something unexpected.

I think it would be kind of strange for a groom NOT compliment the bride on how she looked…..

Listen, I’m not slamming Prince Harry’s relationship (omg never!  I love Prince Harry too much). But the point is, I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.  And it’s just not healthy to obsess over simple,  kind gestures that should be expected in a romantic relationship.

We are setting the bar pretty low for ourselves when we share memes that say things like “I wish someone would look at me the way Prince Harry looks at Meghan Markle”.  

Let’s think about this rationally for a moment…

He’s literally pulling a veil off of his bride’s face during a grand ceremony with millions of people watching…… Where else is he gonna look?  The floor?

Everyone deserves a partner that makes them feel beautiful every day.  It’s time to raise our expectations a little bit!

You deserve all the compliments in the world!  And there are a lot of great guys out there who would be so lucky to give them to you. 

2. ‘RELATIONSHIP GOALS’ IS THE EPITOME OF COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS

The second thing that doesn’t sit well with me, is that ‘relationship goals’ forces us to look to other people’s relationships for motivation and guidelines to follow.  

This hashtag literally says, “ See these other people right here?  See what they’re doing? That’s what I want, that’s what I’m missing in my life”.

(and it’s usually just a generic picture of a couple holding hands walking down the street… what do we really know about that couple?)

Wanting what other people have deprives us of the happiness in our own lives.  It gives us the impression that whatever we have isn’t good enough.

Instead, we should be practicing the attitude of gratitude. Let’s try and focus on the things in our lives that are actually, pretty awesome. 

 

 

3. EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS UNIQUE 

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash
You are an individual.  In this crazy, overpopulated, mixed up world we are living in, there is only one of YOU!

Your heart, life experiences, culture, family, interests and hobbies combined make up who you are.

So why should your relationship, or the relationship you’re looking for, be dictated by someone else’s?  We should celebrate being uniquely ourselves.

What works for someone else might not work for you.  Our society is quick to think the grass is always greener on the other side, but oftentimes that’s not the case.

Rather than focusing our attention on what we think we know about someone else’s relationship; I believe we need to focus on what we, as individuals, want out of our own relationships!

I hope the next time you look at a picture and think to yourself ‘they are totally relationship goals‘ you take a second to truly think about it.

Do you really mean it?  And more importantly, do you even know anything real about the couple you’re looking at?

Probably not.

I know it can be a whimsical term used in a lighthearted way, but I think there are some risky undertones to the sentiment.

But hey, this is just my 2 cents.  In a perfect world, I would I want everyone to be confident enough in their own lives to not be distracted by what they think someone else has got.

After all, its your life, so live it on your terms and create your OWN relationship goals!